My Open Diary

 (This is not edited for grammatical or structural revisions... raw and uncut)

 I have always been apprehensive about going on a mission trip.  God has put it on my heart to minister to those around me through my actions and words.  There are many lost souls in my nearby community that I always told myself that I wouldn't go on a "mission trip."  But one day the pastor did an alter call for those who would like more boldness in evangelizing.  After the alter call, brother Carl asked if I would like to join him on a mission trip to the Philippines.  It sounded good at the time, but after I while I had second thoughts.   It sounds much more glamorous that I will be going to the Philippines rather than going to Martin Luther King park to feed and minister to the homeless every week, or going to minister in people from Arvin.  Those are the people that I admire; the people that are making a difference in their own communities but who don't get the recognition.  The people going to the prison every week and consistently pouring biblical truths into the inmates.  Every day I pray for boldness that I will be able to tell my unsaved friends about the grace that is freely given to those who accept Jesus as their savior.   I attempt to share my beliefs with friends when asked or pray with and encourage the students I tutor to continue to develop their relationships with Christ and stay in fellowship with him but most of the time I feel like they ignore me.  I honestly think that going on this mission trip will have a greater effect on me than the people that I am serving.  People who went on the trip before said they were inspired by the passion the Filipinos had during praise and worship services and how eager they are to hear the word.  Sometimes I take for granted that I am blessed with the opportunity to freely read the bible without fear of being persecuted or arrested.  I fear that I will start to become prideful and see myself as special for doing what I'm doing.  In reality I will have a limited effect on these people's lives, I'll be there for a mere 2 weeks.  During this time I'll dedicate myself and do whatever i need to do to help, but many times we are just alleviating pain or providing a temporary fix.  Many times these patients have chronic illnesses that require prolonged attention, which we won't be able to provide during our limited time.  Sometimes I can't help but feel extremely selfish.  I understand and freely understand the greatest gift on Earth, accepting Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.  On one hand I want to respect other people's right to develop and cultivate their own beliefs.  However, I also feel an overwhelming responsibility to lead them to the beliefs that I know to be true and the source of my everlasting joy.  It's not just their lifetime joy on the line, it's their soul's eternity on the line.  How selfish of me to not lead them to the light.  I always had fears that I would not be a good evangelist.  I am not talkative enough... I am not eloquent enough... I don't have enough spiritual gifts...  I am not passionate enough.  I am just praying that God uses me how he sees fit.  He has designed me according to his infinite wisdom, and I should just concentrate on making the best use of the gifts that God has given me.  Sometimes we spend way too much time concentrating on the gifts others have instead of utilizing the gifts God has gave us to further his kingdom.  Shot out to Jun, Lisa and the team who do this every year; I am just hoping to have an impact on at least one person's life, and everything will be well worth it. I just got my welcome packet to Ross University school of medicine today.  I am so grateful that God has given me the opportunity to work with nurses, physician's assistants, and physicians in the Philippines and just soak up information about how to properly care for the patients.  I am still significantly short on funds to cover my travel and lodging costs, but I'm confident that God will take care of my funds before it's time to head out.  More and more, I am looking for an opportunity to share the gospel, and I have noticed myself sharing with friends more lately.  I am excited about being introduced to other cultures and giving up some of the comforts I'm used to in the U.S.   I am excited about serving and sharing the good news with others!  I also realized that someone who's going on the trip isn't saved, so I invited him to church with me.  I will be praying that God touches his heart as well during the trip.


** Thank you Thomas for the $300 donation and Regina for the $25 donation.  Every amount is greatly appreciated, no matter how insignificant it may seem.  Please continue to support by prayer or funds.  God bless.